sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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