I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
