Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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