so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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