Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
