I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
