dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
