So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
