I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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