I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
