Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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