so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
