My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
