I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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