What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Nicole vs. Life
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
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but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
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