The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
