even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
