covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
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But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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