No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
