i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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