my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
