i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
