Whod you bang
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
