Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
