Where did you get a picture of my penis
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
