Jerry, you need to find god
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
