If i come over, it means nothing
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
