i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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