What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
