I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dear god my vagina.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
