So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
