i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
