My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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