@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
