every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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