I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
