the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
