I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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