yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.