Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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