my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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