so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
