Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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