Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
