I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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