I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
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Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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