so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
