The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
