its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
