OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
