but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
