physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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