I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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