my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
