she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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