Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
