He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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