When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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