he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
