Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
