Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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