you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
