when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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