K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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