We're facebook friends in real life
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
