Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
how drunk are you?
Several
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
