im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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